I have an hour free this afternoon, after work wraps up and before I need to pick up my kids. Now, this hour has a lot of things that I could do, maybe even should do. That laundry on my bed is going to need to get done before I go to sleep. I am almost out of feed for the sheep and chickens. And work isn’t really done, but it’s the end of the obligations for the day.
So, this is how I find myself scrolling through blog posts about a new project. One that is so tempting right now. And it’s not a small project - I have a lot of those on my desk, ones that need an hour (or more) of work. But they don’t tempt me. I can’t even quite remember what they are. Why did I gather this pile of scraps? And what was I thinking next for this embroidery? I don’t know. And getting up to speed on those projects doesn’t feel fun and exciting, but starting a new one sure does.
I can see a vision of me, looking all chill and proud, showing people that awesome thing I made. Ok, it’s this - a stitched book. Anne Wood’s projects are so entrancing. And charming. And 100 days of stitching doesn’t really sound like what I want for today, but the image I have of my finished book, wow, that is so enticing. I want to be THAT Raheli.
“Oh this, yes, I did make it, thanks! Oh that fabric is great, isn’t it? I dyed it from an old button-down shirt.”
And yes, I have actually done those things before (not made a stitched book, but the other parts) and those were nice and all, but what have I done for me lately?
Somehow, I already know that this is not what I want to fill my hour with. I don’t want to commit to a 3 month project (which will more likely be a 9 month project), but the idea of that finished project is so tempting. I will feel so awesome when I finish. The next 9 months? I may feel less awesome. Especially if I am just counting down the days to the finish line.
Because that is what is tempting me right now, not the work, not the thought, but the finish line. And if I am lucky, I will find my flow and inspiration once I get started. Maybe I can use it as a way to narrow down the scope and set some boundaries, so on other afternoons when I have a free hour I won’t grasp for the next shiny thing, because I won’t feel like I need to cram all my creativity into THIS moment! A frantic shuffling of ideas and projects because today is the day! I will do it all! I will have something to share on instagram that other people admire!
Or I will just look at my half-finished pieces and feel bored and wishing that they could be finished already. Maybe that sounds cynical, but I have started (and let go of) lots of projects that just felt like a long slog. Either because I lost interest, or because I only started them because I wanted to be done with them.
I now have 30 minutes, and a desire to drink a hot coffee and stare out out the window at the rain. Am I giving up? Nope - I am letting the ideas simmer, and enjoy thinking about what it could look like. I’ll bring my sketchbook with me. I don’t really want to start something right now, what I really want right now is a rest before I am back in the frenzy of my days.
I mean, what is the rush to start? If remain excited about the idea, I’ll move forward with it. If tomorrow I am drawn to something else, that’s great too. Actually, tomorrow I’ll have my fabric for the dress that I have been thinking about for 2 weeks. As it turns out, this is one of the ones that I was excited to go forward with - though it took more than a week to settle on the dress that I wanted to make, and I am picking up fabric tonight. Now I can’t wait for tomorrow…
Footnote: Don’t hold me to this. Next week I really might need to urgently start a new project. Dancing with inspiration… sometimes you want to sit out a round, sometimes you are first out on the dance floor. It all depends on the song.